01. Kidnappers are not
interested in you.
02.. In a hostage
situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to
run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM
and ask, “did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view
you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left
to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now
won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at
5 PM.
09. You can live without
sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated
arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of
speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to
hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with
elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get
much worse.
15. Your investment in
health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more
accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe
with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain
cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who
sent you this list.
20. And you notice these
are all in Big Print for your convenience.
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