I’m guilty of this and yet I still commit this act to the annoyance
of my wife who keeps trying to make me stop doing it. I swallow my gum instead discarding
it.
Chewing gum or bubble gum, I can chew a whole pack up in minutes and have
it journeying through my insides not long afterwards.
From this act I discovered a new way to entertain myself and
scare the ‘you know what’ out of anyone within hearing distance.
Here’s how you do it.
- Buy sugar free Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit that comes in a plastic container cup.
- Chew and swallow entire contents
- Don’t go to the bathroom
- Hold it even longer than you want to
When you get to the point that it feels like your stomach is
about to re-enactment a scene from the movie Aliens, fight it and wait a little
bit longer. Then go to the bathroom. That’s where the magic will begin to
happen.
One evening I went to the bathroom at a grocery store. As I
sat down to await delivery, my lower bowls began to produce a sound. To the
untrained ear it was similar to the growling sound that Godzilla makes or the
sound of a Maserati racing at high speeds through a long tunnel. The sound to
notify Fred Flintstone that it was time to go home for the day.
I could literally feel my belly getting smaller. I even
pressed on it and the escaping air started to come out faster. After a while I
was starting to like my new special ability. That is until the man in the next
stall startled me. The exact quote was this, “Dam, what the hell did you eat?”
After a few minutes the show was over and my pants didn’t
feel like they were about to pop a button. The only thing that came out of that
general location was simply gas. The toilet bowl still contained clear water
after just experiencing hurricane force winds. The only side effect I experienced
was an itchy butt hole.
Enjoy, but remember I’m not a professional so that means I’m
either an idiot for doing it in the first place or for not sharing this little
piece of trivia sooner. Only the future will tell.
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